Dear Mama

Dear Mama,

These are the last words you said to me:

“Protect your family!

You are grown now and I have shown you 

Everything I could!”

I remember you saying these words to me while

I sat gazing out the hospital window and 

You shuffled into your hospital bed, drip in hand.

In the last phone call, you made to me you asked

When am I coming to see you?

I made an excuse that I was working and didn’t have gas money,

The truth is that a friend had just lent me money for gas that day,

But I just figured I would see you some other time,

The biggest thing that stood out in that phone call was that

You never called me by MY name, 

By that of my older brother.

The day we finally came to see you, you could no longer speak,

Your radiant smile was overshadowed by the tubes helping you to breathe,

A voice in my head told me to put my hands on you and pray for,

But being the coward that I am I decided to say a little prayer in my heart,

“Our father, who art in heaven…”, 

I couldn’t finish it, couldn’t bare seeing you in that state,

We left without you saying goodbye,

But how could you with all the tubes covering your once radiant smile?

There is so much I want to tell you,

So much I want to share with you,

But most importantly I just want to thank you for all the lessons

You instilled in me,

I know your smile still shines so bright,

And clapping for your boys as we go out into the world each day.

Dear Mama, We miss you.