How to deal with a breakup or the loss of a loved one

Most people find it very hard to deal with breakups or the loss of a loved one to an extent that some commit suicide. I am not ashamed to say I am one of those people who had to deal with such pain.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of five years and just like many other relationships it had its ups and downs. When you truly love someone you know it, but life always has a plan of its own for you and your journey begins at a time when you think it's the end.

As I looked around myself while going through the breakup I realized that the people I cared about were moving on with their lives and leaving me behind. That's a feeling I shared with many people who as soon as they thought they had found happiness and their lives were suddenly beginning with the person they loved, that joy was suddenly taken away. It is true when they say life is unfair, but at the same time we have to pay attention to the lessons it teaches us.

During the Easter weekend I received a phone call informing me that a friend of mine had died in a car accident. As shocked as I was, my thoughts drifted towards how his girlfriend might have been feeling at that current moment. He always joked about marrying her and as comedic as it sounded you could hear it in his voice that he meant every single word. Watching her say her last goodbyes to him was heartbreaking in every sense.

While I was trying to make sense of my own loss I still had to deal with the fact that I was economically inactive. For those who are not clued up with business jargon, it simply means I was unemployed as a result of my bad decision making. I was fortunate enough that I wasn't starving let alone homeless, all thanks to great family support. When one is suddenly faced with all these issues all at once it becomes over-burdening and you start to wonder if you have the strength to build yourself up again.

Within a month's time I learned that my uncle had passed away in hospital. As my family and I were still trying to make sense of that tragic loss news came in that my brother in law had died in a car accident. Now at this moment many people going through what I was going through would have what we call a nervous breakdown and I wasn’t an exemption; at this moment in time you start having doubts and losing hope. You start to wonder why bad things happen to good people, what the purpose of this pain might be and if you are strong enough to endure it all.

Such a burden gets so heavy to a point where you start looking for an escape route and the more bad news you hear the more desperate you become. Everything made sense when I was sleeping and every time I woke up it felt like I was waking up to a nightmare.

When bad things happen in our lives we tend to miss the positive side of that situation. When we lose a loved one, go through a breakup or get in an accident we tend to forget to be grateful for what we still have and the time we had with them. In 2013 I was involved in three car accidents which I escaped without any injuries and I am grateful to be alive today. Losing someone you love is truly painful and no one can carry your pain for you, but one thing we shouldn't forget is to simply say THANK YOU and be grateful for even though that person might not be with you anymore there's a valuable lesson they taught you.

With all my baggage I found myself comforting my sister and telling her that her the husband was in a better place and that everything happens for a reason, even though the reason might not reveal itself in a day a month or a year but eventually, we'll soon find out why things had to happen the way they did. Least did I know that by comforting her I was also comforting myself?

As painful or hurtful any situation in life can be the best you can do for yourself and not for anyone else is to be grateful for all the people that came into your life, even if it was for a short while. Understand that they had to go for a reason and they leave you as a better person. Be grateful for all those fallen heroes irrespective of the situation, appreciate what you still have as immaterial as it may be and you will find peace in your heart.